eMarkLee

my cafeteria just changed to these

I received an email today and am thrilled to announce that I have been found as a relative to the late Mark W Lee, and am heir to a 7.2 million dollar trust fund. This is so exciting. What will I do with all that money?

People always ask and dream about having a shitload of money and what one would do with it.

First there are people that hit the lottery and blow it on gambling, relatives, divorces, and crack cocaine. Then there are people that spend it in a boring way ($85 million jackpot):

$45 million: Safe, low-risk investments such as municipal bonds
$35 million: Aggressive investments like oil and gas and real estate
$1.3 million: A family foundation
$63,000: A trip to Tahiti with 17 friends
$125,000: Mortgage retired on his 1,400-square-foot house
$18,000: Student-loan repayment
$65,000: New bicycles, including a $12,000 BMC road bike
$14,500: A used black VW Jetta
$12,000: Annual gift to each family member

But WTF, where is the monthly crates of Cris to wash your armpits and dollar coins to throw out the window of your limo at inner city children yelling “Who loves yo baby’s mama??!!?”

You want to know what I am really going to do with my money?
Two Chicks at the same time, man.

Here’s proof of my trust fund in the email I received today. This is going to be sweet. BTW, I’m done with blogging and you as my friend or reader. Please don’t come knocking for a payday.

Mutual Chambers
Solicitors & Advocates
Plot 118 Rue De Liberation,
PB 946,
Lome-Togo

Attn: Mark Lee,

I am Barrister Marcel Onu, a legal practitioner, I am the personal attorney to Mr.Mark W. LEE, a national Of your country, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome, Togo. He used to be my client .

On the 7th June, 2004, my client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy here to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$7.2 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the Security Finance Firm where this huge amount were deposited.

The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confisicated within the next twenty one official working days.

Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over 2years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.

Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer.I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

Best Regards,

Marcel Onu Esq.

Lome Togo.

Hmm, not sure if my lawyer is a graduate from Harvard Law, but I can’t wait to get paid out. Where do I wire my money again?