eMarkLee

If you have eaten sushi with me, you know I like my wasabi. I generally will put enough wasabi on my sushi to make everybody around me cry. Believe it or not, there was a time when I did not eat wasabi by the spoonful.

Before the age of 17, I really couldn’t touch wasabi as I associated it with pain. (I reckon this is where most of you are currently. That little drop of wasabi you put in your soy sauce doesn’t count.) I have memories of tasting it along with raw fish and thinking it was like eating fire. Who wants to do that?

In college, however, I discovered wasabi with a vengeance with my discovery of sushi. Namely, sake (salmon) nigiri (still the gold standard of sushi). Once I got hooked I was hooked. In San Francisco I would eat out at my favorite sushi place twice a week for my fill. My rule still stands that all vendor lunches where I am treated to lunch are to be sushi as well as all of my own expensed lunches. So after my many years of wasabi-induced tear-shedding, I have compiled some important lessons that should be of benefit to you:

1. Wasabi is good for you.
Yes, and NOT as a decongestant, despite the fact that you start blowing your nose and crying. It actually has other health properties including:

1. Anti-Cancer and Anti-Oxidant
2. Antibiotic
3. Anti-Coagulant (including inhibition of platelet aggregation in the treatment of heart attacks)
4. Anti-Inflammatory Agent or for the treatment of asthma or anaphylaxis
5. Aids in Bone Calcification (from a different group of compounds)
6. Other Health Benefits

That “Other Health Benefits” section includes prevention of diahhrea. Yeah. Not sure if they mean the explosive kind, the pee-out-of-the-arse kind, or more of the chunky kind. Chunky Monkey style. Either way, it makes sense that sushi-eaters can use anything that helps prevent diahhrea.

2. Don’t make wasabi goo.
Yes, I used to do it. It’s so easy. You throw that gob of wasabi and mix it into mud and consume it like you just brushed chunky diahhrea on your sushi. It’s not how my ninjas, the Japanese, eat their sushi. If you are going to eat sushi, do it the right way. Take the wasabi, spread it on the sushi in its green form, and then you dip it in pure Japan-brewed soy sauce. Some good sushi places will actually have wasabi already on the sushi so you may not even need to put any on unless you’re masochistic or are trying to prevent explosive diahhrea.

3. Don’t breathe out when eating wasabi.
Not sure if I should be sharing this long-held secret, but if you breathe out after consuming a substantial quantity of wasabi, you may die. You will get that rush to your nose and head and then you will fall over. Don’t do it. Either don’t breathe or take a slow steady breathe inward. This is KEY to consuming wasabi like a Jap. It’s actually a secret, don’t give it away. Next time you get challenged to a wasabi eating contest, keep this in mind.

4. Serve wasabi in a small bowl and serve it as green tea ice cream to your mates
This is about as fun as wasabi gets. Your unsuspecting mate will take a big scoop, breathe out, start crying, start diahhrea’ing, then keel over and die. Life doesn’t get much fun than this.

In case you aren’t “in the know”, the latest dance craze is on us…the Soulja Boy Dance. It’s pretty simple, you just gotta lean into the Superman.

Yeah, if Natalie Portman can do it, you can do it. You don’t want to miss out on the Electric Slide and Macarena do you?

In 2002, I purchased my 2nd PDA. The Dell Axim X5.

It was a brand new PDA under the Microsoft Pocket PC platform. I had become a fan after playing around with my brother’s PDA and decided that I wanted one for a number of reasons:

1. Buy a new toy
2. Read news on the MUNI/BART in San Francisco on my commute
3. Play games
4. Watch videos
5. Have a powerful platform that will allow me to adapt to changing needs.

All this was achieved by the Axim for 2002-2004. Ultimately, however, I started commuting to work and then I started using a laptop at work so there was not a great deal of need to play with the Pocket PC anymore. Hence, it collected dust on my desk for the next 2 years.

Fast forward 2 more years to 2007 and here I am again…same situation but slightly different needs:

1. Read news on the Tube.
2. Play games on flights
3. Watch videos on flights
4. Get on the Internet while traveling.

That last point is the most important. I had purchased the Axim a while back purely as a standalone device that I would sync to my computer before I leave the house for the day. Ultimately I would get back to my computer and I would sync it again. That’s old school thinking. With wifi all over the place these days, it is feasible to jump online and surf the web.

So how does a device purchased in 2002 fare today?
Surprisingly well. I have installed a set of all new software for the device (running on Windows Mobile 2003) that include:

1. Madden NFL 2006. Yeah, Madden for the Pocket PC.
2. TCMP DivX/xvid player – Allows you to play vids on the Pocket PC
3. Pocket Informant – Upgrades the Outlook piece to be more Outlook like.
4. WisBar Advance – Gives the Pocket PC a “Windows feel” with drop down Start menu.
5. Opera Browser – Adds tabbed browsing and generally good browsing to the Pocket PC
6. IM+ – IM on all platforms (Yahoo, MSN, AIM, etc)
7. SPB Weather – Gives you the local weather for the next week.
8. SPB Traveler – Gives you info about cities you enter

In the past 2 years or so, the applications for the Pocket PC have gotten considerably better where I have upgraded a lot of the old software I had been running. Most of the new software today runs fine on the Axim still, which is great. I have played around with overclocking the Axim, but it was just to try it. I’m above all that geekiness.

Of course, the looks have not gotten considerably better since the Axim was introduced and so people still ask what that thing is…some kind of a Tablet PC? I usually just say yes rather than explaining how this is the first generation Pocket PC that do not have QWERTY keyboards but do have touch screens. Damn young’uns.

For some reason, all the clothes I buy have the same tag on it…

Most of it is gone, but there are some interesting differences with this fire vs the Cedar Fires of 2003:

1. It burned down a house that I actually TP’ed
2. It burned down a house 2 houses down from CocoBWare’s house. The same house we used to play basketball at back in high school. Yes we used to lower the hoop down to 8 feet. And yes, I used to dunk on CocoBware’s head.
3. My parents actually got evacuated….and of all things they packed the wok and daikon cake and clothes. Yeah, f the pictures and electronics when you got daikon cake.
4. I had two different streams going, being able to watch San Diego local news on both a live web stream and Slingbox. It’s great.
5. I didn’t get to watch Monday Night Football. WTF.

Um..another bloody fire in SoCal. It’s actually pretty crazy right now. This is the worst fire in the history of the state. I mean it’s no Great London Fire of 1666, but it is big.

Here’s the video of the house of Chapman back in the day. I literally TP’ed that house back in the day…twice. With like 48 rolls of TP. They have confirmed that the TP is what caused the Firestorm. Sorry, Chapman.

Crazy shit.

Here you go….print it out and go to Jamba. Unfortunately there are no Jambas in the UK and the juice places you generally could go to will charge around $6 per smoothie. What rubbish.

My friend, who just left the company on Friday had a fairly pleasant farewell email sent around. He did not mention my name in here, but rest assured I was on his list of “meets expectations sans contact” colleagues. Best of luck, my man.

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake – it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects – an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “meets expectation.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Philip Cress, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

To Brenda Ashby whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

To Sylvia Keenan, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ; )

To Bob Malvin (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can’t believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

Don Merritt (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I’m happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company’s rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it’s a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us “faceless little people” more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient (“because it’s good for the company”) in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don’t bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.

One!

This is a bit old, but just in case anyone didn’t catch it….Two Buck Chuck is the best wine in the world. This has officially been backed up with some serious accolates:

The Charles Shaw 2005 California chardonnay (yes, the $1.99 “Two Buck Chuck” made by Bronco Wine Company sold at Trader Joe’s) was judged Best Chardonnay from California at California State Fair Commercial Wine Competition.

The chardonnay received 98 points, a double gold, with accolades of Best of California and Best of Class.

To all you suckas out there that thought I drink Chuck because I’m a cheap bastard, boo ya!!! I drink this stuff for taste but you weren’t sophisticated enough to recognize. And all you suckas in NYC paying three dollars for two buck chuck? Pobrecita.

So this post started as a humorous blog. First I read a story on the Metro about a Monkey and a Pigeon having a relationship. Having waged war against pigeons since the days in San Francisco when they used to shit and lay eggs on our balcony, I have despised these rats. I have to say that while my hatred for them was high, I never got to the point Workmonkey got to of actually killing one with his bare hands. That sucks, dude.

So I read this article about a monkey actually being brought back to life by pigeon and think to myself…maybe they’re not so bad after all. But then I look at the 1089 pigeons that kick it by my office and I go back to my hatred.

awwwww

Yes, that is one of the best pictures I’ve seen in the past year. Kudos to the photographer. This is right up there with a few of my favorite photos in history like the lunchtime atop a skyscraper pic.

Bombs away!!!

Of course, I was thinking of making this blog about some of the greatest images in history…until I actually started looking at them. You got the VietCong dude getting shot, the Vietnamese girl running after getting napalmed, the buddhist monk burning alive, and then I clicked on a 2007 Pulitzer winning series about Cancer. That pretty much takes any humour out of my psyche for the day. I think I will quit my work and spend the rest of the day handing out food to the homeless, right after I give all my money away to charity.

In researching photos for this blog, I also found the best ghost photos ever taken, which were pretty cool. Now back to raising money for Darfur.